Astronomy
by LynstHolin
Summary: Lily/James While James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter party, Lily contemplates her future under the threat of Voldemort.


This is one of a series of fics suggested by HybridChaos, and was inspired by the song 'Astronomy' by Blue Oyster Cult.

A little dark in places. Some non-explicit sexual references, drug and alcohol use. Hey, it was the Seventies!

I made up Rosie Brown so Lily could have a girlfriend-she first appeared in my fic 'The Life of the Party. I imagine her as Lavender's aunt who died in the first war.

...

Even though the warming charm that she had performed was working well, Lily hugged herself, feeling chilled through her peasant blouse and jeans. Snow had collected on the embrasures and the lone telescope that had been left behind. Sirius had Rosie Brown were looking through it. "There, that's me, Sirius. I'm a star, baby." He rested his head on her shoulder and slid his hands down to her hips.

"You're an idiot," Rosie laughed.

Remus passed the joint to Peter, who took a deep hit off of it and held it out to Lily. She shook her head. "No thanks. I'm not in the mood."

"No pot, no whiskey. My Lily doesn't want to be bad any more," James said with mock mournfulness. Lily didn't reply. She just nestled against him, enjoying the warmth from his sweater-clad torso. He wrapped one arm around her and took another swig from his flask.

"What do you suppose old McGonagall would do if she found us up here?" Peter snickered.

"Tell us to grow up and start acting like adults, I imagine," Remus replied. His eyes were red and unfocused.

It was Christmas Eve, and Hogwarts was nearly empty of students. The faculty had invited all alumni to a party, and it seemed as if everyone that wasn't an associate of the Dark Lord had accepted. James, Lily, Remus, Peter, Sirius, and Rosie had made their escape when the Great Hall became uncomfortably packed. It was how they had spent much of their seventh year of school: sneaking off to the Astronomy Tower and getting intoxicated.

"Marry me, Rosie," Sirius said dramatically.

"Marry _you_? I'd have to be half out of my mind." Rosie turned around, knocking the telescope into the side of the embrasure with a crack, and took Sirius' face between her hands. Sirius and Rosie had been an on-again-off-again couple in seventh year, finally breaking up for good just before graduation due to Sirius' reckless behavior. "Will you get rid of that damned flying motorbike?"

"Why would I do that?" Sirius grinned as he let one hand drop to Rosie's bottom.

The Christmas party was a distraction, a way to try to forget the war. But it was always there, beneath the surface of everything. It was in every hasty wedding, every drinking binge, in the face of every orphan still at Hogwarts who had no family to go home to. Lily wished she could indulge like the others, fuzz up her mind so she could stop _thinking_, but she couldn't. Lily had a secret, one that was both tiny and enormous. She certainly had not meant for it to happen. The timing couldn't have been worse, as far as she was concerned. But even the best precautions sometimes failed.

Sirius was looking through the telescope, Rosie standing beside him with a hand tucked into one of his back pockets. "No, you didn't crack the lens. Looks fine. There's the Pup and the Unicorn." He was silent for a moment. "The stars are so old and vast, and there are so many of them. Makes us and our troubles seem pretty small and insignificant, really, don't you think?" His voice sounded uncharacteristically somber; Lily had never before heard him say something so serious.

So small in the great cosmic scheme of things, so huge in her personal universe... Laying a hand on her stomach, Lily knew that she was only imagining that it showed. "Aren't you feeling well?" James asked.

"My tummy is a little... funny."

"Ah, no wonder you don't want any whiskey." James set the flask down and gathered her to him. She closed her eyes and relaxed into the embrace. Her husband's arms felt like they were made to be around her, and he smelled wonderful, like pipe tobacco and clover. Lily knew she should tell him her secret, but there was a part of her that nagged and doubted. What sort of world was this to bring a child into? Would she and James have to give up their work for the Order of the Phoenix to keep their baby safe? Was there any such thing as 'safe' these days, especially for those who, like her and James, were on the Dark Lord's list of enemies?

Lily had the phone number of a doctor in her purse._ At this point, it would be no worse than having a wisdom tooth pulled. James would never have to know. I'm strong. I can do what needs to be done by myself. It would only hurt for a short while. _A small sound escaped from her, and James frowned down at her. "You're awfully pale. Maybe you should go to bed." He helped her to her feet as the others said their good-nights.

The Three Broomsticks wasn't big enough for all the people that came for the Christmas party, so the dorms had been opened to the guests. James walked Lily to his old room and got her settled on a bed, pulling her shoes and jeans off before climbing in beside her (it was a tight fit) and drawing the covers over them. It reminded her seventh year, when many of the older boys had girls bunking with them at night, necessitating the establishment of etiquette regarding what one was and was not permitted to look at; by the end of the school year, Lily had become downright blasé about being around boys while wearing nothing but her smiley-face print knickers. Back in those days, she and James had fooled around every night, but tonight he just held her. Lily thought she was going to have trouble falling asleep. She was wrong.

...

Lily awoke from a dream of a baby boy that looked a lot like James. She blinked until the blur of red and green above her resolved into a sprig of mistletoe floating in the air. "Merry Christmas," James said, just before he set his lips on hers. The kiss started out light, then deepened.

"Remember, no sexual acts during daylight hours!" Sirius called from the next bed. Rosie, who was snuggled up against him, giggled. Yes, this was just like seventh year. Those times weren't that long ago, but Lily felt an intense nostalgia for them, the days when she had yet to fully comprehend how gravely the Dark Lord threatened her world. Now she knew far too much. But she would be damned if she would let fear of Voldemort rule her life.

"Feeling better?" James asked.

"Mm hmm." She smiled up at him kittenishly. "And I have something to tell you."


End file.
